you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
