im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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