I accidentally had phone sex last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
