I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
