i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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