oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
