Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
