Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
