Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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