I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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