can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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