Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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