i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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