Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
