You're my little dorito
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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