So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
