At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Come see our sink grown plant.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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