I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
