So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Houston, we have a blender
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize