Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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