btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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