did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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