Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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