I look better un-naked...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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