Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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