Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
