I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think my fart just growled at me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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