i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
