Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize