It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
