i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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