Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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