Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
