Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
