i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
