my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
