You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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