Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
