She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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