Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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