have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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