My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
