What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
