Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
