I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
