What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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