We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
