I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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