I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
