he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
