I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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