i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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