hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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