would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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