Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
