I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
