in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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