Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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