it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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