lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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