after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
