How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
